Are you generally smaller or larger than your friends?
Without a doubt, I am amongst the largest of most of my friends, especially the ones back in California. I was reminded of that particular fact when I went home this past week. I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt quite as large as I did this week. Granted, I’ve always felt fat there because it’s LA and it’s really quite plastic. I grew up in a beach town, no joke, most of the girls were skinny with blonde hair. Not much has changed. This was a weird trip for me because I’ve been working really hard on reminding myself what I love about being a woman and that the curves I have are wonderful. And yet, while I was there, I was feeling out of sorts and just blah, like the frumpy housewife down the block, you know? I’m still dealing with the fact that I dated a man who wouldn’t take me to meet his friends because I was too fat (one of about five or six reasons that I’ve been able to ascertain). My self-esteem took a hit a while back and I’m taking time to remind myself of my own worth and my own capabilities.
Ok, wow, that went on a tangent. Back to the real answer of, yes, I am larger than my friends. No, I don’t particularly want to be. Let me rephrase just a tad bit. I will always be the biggest of my friends in terms of my sheer shoulder size. I’m literally built like a linebacker – my dad was one and I’m built with the wide set shoulders – which yes, I happen to love. BUT. I want to be the fittest of my friends too. So even if I’m the “biggest”, it’s not because of my fat, it’s because of how I’m built with gorgeous muscles and my waist looking all hot because you can see it (which right now is debatable…), oh and my collar bones would be nice to see again… and I’d really be ok with no double chin. Well, crap. There I went on another tangent.
Ok, new personal goal for today. Stop being mean to myself. Accept what is, accept the thoughts in my head and move forward. So if I say something rude or disrespectful to myself, instead of beating myself up, I have to counter it with a compliment.
“The greatest magnifying glasses in the world are a man’s own eyes when the look upon his own person.” ~ Alexander Pope
(brittanytrappe.tumblr.com)
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