Action 002: Five Minutes

I went to dinner with a friend of the family and his wife last night.  I heard about the gentleman's daughter after inquiring about her.

He busted with pride while telling me that she found a job she loves and is enjoying her fiance.  Two important facts go into what comes next: She's younger than me and has a BA in the arts.

And then the little green envy monster hit.  Job?  Psshhh.  Love life?  Bigger pppssshhh.  I didn't think anything at the time, preferring to just move on and talk about something else.  But today?  The little green envy monster got nasty.

Most people who know me know I don't make much of my multiple degrees.  I'm proud of myself for doing them and doing them well, but otherwise, I could care less if I'm surrounded by people who have the same.  But today?  Oh boy.  How does someone with a BA in the motherfriggin arts get a job and I, with a BA from the number one English department in the country and TWO MA's, can't get a job to save my life?  I'll admit to these thoughts.  I don't mean to put them on paper to make myself sound like a horrible human being, but rather to admit to a fault I had.  I kept trying to make myself feel guilty for thinking this way, but that only made the envy monster get even worse.

Because then it turned into a matter of how my life isn't anywhere near where I'd ever expected it to be and not necessarily in a good way.  All I could think about was how if somebody asks my dad about me, what is there to bust with pride about anymore?  I'm not in school anymore, there's nothing to talk about.  Nothing I'm doing is worth much of anything. 

I realized I couldn't keep thinking in such negative ways.  So, I remembered a time I told a friend of mine to take five minutes and let the feelings and bad thoughts happen.  It didn't matter what the thoughts were or just how bad they might become.  Just give yourself five minutes and allow it to happen.  Then... stop.  You've given yourself time and allowance to feel what you so clearly need to feel, but then that stops.

I took my own advice.  I let myself have five minutes (not including the many I'd already had...) and oddly enough, by the end of those five minutes, I didn't feel the need to continue.

I legitimately set up a timer on my phone.  Not just looked at the time, but set up a timer.  Having the buzzer go off made a resounding, signifying, and almost momentous end.  It was almost as if my head and heart breathed a sigh of relief that this negative cycle of shit was over.  I'm not going to pretend that I'm in the best of moods now, but I'm certainly not in the worst of moods either.

So give it a try.  See if allowing yourself a set amount of time works for you.  I'll certainly be remembering to do this as the days move forward.