What has been the hardest thing you’ve had to give up?
The hardest thing I’ve had to give up is something I haven’t given up yet. Before I note what that is and why, I’ll share with you other things I’ve considered and rejected giving up. Soda? I gave up a million of them a day, but every so often when I’m out, I’ll have one (diet coke). Or fast food? Again, saying I HAVE to give it up would only make me want it more. I’ve started cooking some healthy foods. What do you know? I’ve stopped eating out so much. Carbs or sugars or any of that stuff is a no no for me. I’m not giving up certain things, rather controlling how and when I eat them.
So what do I need to give up? What am I having trouble giving up? I talked about it the other day… my fears. My fears of not knowing how to be someone different. Logic dictates I’ll be the same person as I was yesterday and the day before that in personality, but will I really? Will I be even more outgoing? Will I be more reserved? Will I still be loud and funny? Or will I hide in the corner? I just don’t know. I’m struggling to let go of the fear of being thin. Today I weighed in at the least I’ve weighed in this year and last year and the year before that. I felt a little light in me that maybe, just maybe, I can do this. This is about the time when self-sabotage steps in and rears its ugly head. But because I’m aware of it, I can plan for it. I’ve already got two friends available for me to text tonight, who are in this struggle with me, while I’m at a potluck supper. I’ll be calling my mom on the way home from the metro station – so I can’t go get fast food somewhere. I’m meeting someone for coffee/tea before the meeting, I’ll be getting a diet coke, so I’ll feel like I’m splurging without actually consuming calories. I’m about to workout (after I cook for the potluck). Guess what? My clothes will be laid out to workout AGAIN when I get home. Today is about remembering I can do this and that fears need to be overcome.
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher
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